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It’s weird watching people change. If they change for the better then it’s very encouraging to watch. But then you watch people, good people change for the worse. I don’t know what’s more depressing about these people- watching them destroy themselves or seeing them live in denial about what they are doing to themselves.
It’s frustrating watching people be someone they are not. Especially when they are people you love. It’s hard for me to look at someone who I can remember having so much respect for and see them now do the most unrespectable of things. Watching them turn into cowards. Hypocrits at their core.
Maybe the most excruciating part of all of this is knowing that you cannot do anything about the current state of someone. We are not in control. I am not in control.
Sometimes. No. Most of the time I want to change people. I want them to be happy. I want them to trust in the healing powers of Christ. I dont think there is anything wrong with me wanting these things. Whats wrong is that I get frustrated when I don’t see results immediately.
Lately I have been really struggling with some things in my spiritual life and I had a pretty unrepentant heart towards these things. I mean I would pray to God and say sorry. But it wasn’t from the heart. Not really.. So this morning as I was on my way to work I prayed. Sincerely and repentently. In my prayer I confessed that I knew that I could not handle these dark things I was dealing with on my own. There was nothing that I could do that would turn my heart from rebelling against the Father except His intervention and my submission. Me willing to be changed. I said, “God you are in control.” After I prayed that prayer you know what happened next? My brakes went out. Scared me to death. I cried, thankful to be alive and to not have had anyone else hurt. Then I realized the beauty of what had just happened. God had shown me that He was in control. He showed me His sovereignty.
There is nothing left in me to cling to except my faith in hope. And oh what little faith I have! I am tired of trying to fix things on my own. My attempts are to no avail.
Sovereign God, grant me the humility to rely on You and the patience to wait on Your timing.
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I\'d like to state the obvious... 
thats awesome! i can totally to relate how you felt though, all my friends are unsaved, but they dont know it. i’ll be praying for you
Comment by cpt kamberoo December 4, 2006 @ 3:08 amThank you, Michael. That would be appreciated!
Comment by Junior December 4, 2006 @ 9:55 pmi can totally relate to that again, thanks for be’n awesome 🙂
Comment by mylifeasawholeisnotwhole December 8, 2006 @ 6:28 am